I felt that something fell out of my purse when it slid sideways as the plane took off. For the next few minutes that felt like hours, I was fidgeting, trying to remember the important things I had in my purse that may have rolled out. I could not remove the idea from my head that I had to look under that seat – you know, just to make sure. It did not matter that there was nothing valuable in it, definitely nothing that I would miss. But it made me so restless that I could not sit still, scanned through my tote without purpose, but pretended like I knew what I was looking for. I quickly made a note that my next purse should be a Louis Vuitton speedy with a zipper.
I wanted to turn the flash light to look for the imaginary object that had thought had escaped my purse and by now at the tail end of the plane, but could not figure out how on my new iPhone. That threw me into another loop of anxious thoughts about a possible malfunctioning new phone. When I resolved that, I moved on to other problems.
For example,
I wondered why they did not handout something healthy for snacks during flights, like a piece of fruit that does not require plastic packaging…
And why the person sitting in the middle seat ends up not get any arm rests!! Is there any published etiquette about this?
well I had to actively terminate those thoughts because they were not going anywhere peaceful.
Thought of audiobooks. Listening to ‘The “Zen (the “zen”) and the art of motorcycle maintenance’ should definitely help right? Nope it would not, because my new iPhone needs Bluetooth earphones which I fashionably forgot to bring and brought the wired earphones instead.
I remembered placing our puppy in a hotel and hoped he did not feel the same way, in that small room .. if I have not mentioned that before, he is the most handsome puppy ever, FYI – everyone at the dog hotel agreed
In doing all this, it occurred to me that there was one emotion overpowering everything else. That was my anxiety. Only the subjects had changed
I was not sure if my anxiety was because of a sense of loss of control stemming from the fact that I cannot bend over to take a look under the seat as I was tied down by the seat belt, or because I was not able to speak to anyone about it as I was in the middle seat between two strangers. Then I concluded it was because I was not able to google anything or use the internet.
The positive aspect was that I recognized my own reactive emotions and was able to step back and ponder objectively. I recognized the problem, pulled out my phone and started typing.
I would have scribbled, drawn pictures, and painted flowers if I could, but for now this was my only choice.
The best troubleshooting, I realized, is the one you do on yourself. Voila!! If you are reading this, you know what came out if it 🙂
Cannot think of a way this post can be remotely useful to anyone, but it sure was helpful to me. I had become comfortable dealing with my anxiety provoking thoughts by now, and that, I think is really important
Connecting and interacting with ones own raw emotions is so often forgotten in our digital world filled with tailored presentations of emotions
More later!!
Will I continue to write ? Hell yeah!!!
Unapologetically for myself
lifeinbitznpieces 